A Letter To The Universe

A Letter To The Universe

I refuse to be a candle!

Today, I am writing for myself.

I have an unexplainable amount of sadness inside my heart today. It's not

heartbreak, just a pain. And today, this is about me. Me and The Universe.

I believe in you, Universe, and you know this. Don't pretend you don't.

And please, you also know that I am not complaining.

But, when you give me things and give me a strong, stubborn, and free spirit, you also know that I will tell you how and what I feel.

With no reservations. No holding back.

I understand that you have a reason to give what you give to me. And that you have been preparing me for something you want me to do…

Even though some days I feel you had not let me in on the secret mission, you are sending me on…

You know, like a goal or destination?

But I get it. You want me to be patient, stay in the moment and live.

I asked you, wished for a person who will give what I need. But you keep

sending me people who need me.

Do you not see that I am not that strong?

I am not that strong to take on all of this. It hurts, of course you know that. And yet, I can't turn away ones who need a hand and ask for it.

I strongly believe in drawing in strength from everything around me and filling my reservoir so that I can give to the ones who need it the most. You had taught me how to do this. But I think you expect me to provide faster than I can fill my reservoir.

You can't do that….

You know what I have asked for. And you have to give me some source to

replenish myself too. Else I will burn into a pile of ashes before your grand plan for me to even start working out.

I am going to tell this story in metaphors. Since this story is for me, I am writing this specifically for the Universe and me. I am not going to make it anything else.

I have observed the Universe as a light maker. It makes a light source out of living, breathing human beings.

It takes them as they are and put them through its furnace and many many series of unfortunate events and makes them into a light source, a source of light and energy.

Some souls do not make the first cut. They get lost, and I am slowly learning what happens to those lost souls. My best assumption is that they are sent to an existing source to be brought back to life. Sometimes, these end up becoming sources again.

One thing I do feel, yes, I am kind of sounding insane at this point, if you are one of the chosen ones, you have no way of escaping this. You can kick and scream and resist, or you can go along with its plan willingly.

Either way, you are pretty much not in control of where you are going and what you will become.

Growing up and even well into my adulthood, I have stood by and heard people talk about sacrifices. And then equate real human beings to candles…

With awe and admiration, the candle burning itself down to nothing while providing light seems to have captured the hearts of humans and set an expectation as to how we should help each other.

It somehow became the benchmark for someone to be good. You have to become a candle to be considered a good human in this world; you have to suffer from being considered a good human being.

Think about it…

Now, I am not trying to change anyone or society. I have accepted that I have pretty much no control over anything in this magnificent and vast Universe of ours.

What I do have control over is a tiny bit of myself.

So, Universe, I don't want to be a candle. I don't want to be, well… dead trying to help others.

But I do want to tell my stories, and if someone benefits from talking to me, great.

I do want to make a difference, but not at my expense.

Do you not see the logic in it?

You gave me this one beautiful life, and if you make me burn way too fast, how will you achieve what you have in store for me?

Don't you want the best return on the investment you put in on me?

Candles are vulnerable. They need someone else to provide the right

environment. Someone to light it and then protect it and give a particular environment to keep shining. Even after all that, it only provides light, no warmth.

So I don't want to be a candle.

Here is the deal... Make me a star.

Give me fuel to burn for a billion years, rain or shine, storm or not, build me to become self-sustaining, tough, burn from inside out, shine and give light, keep people warm and yet burn if they touch without knowing how to touch star…

Make me like the sun. Actually, please go ahead and make all of us like suns.

Don't crucify us…

You are the magnificent Universe, and you don't need me to say this to

you. But I am going to anyway. Being strong-willed and all…

It's your own making…

So make me like the sun.

Give me what I need to shine bright and radiate warmth.

Do what you need to, to make me one.

I will endure anything you will put me through to become that.

But... I refuse to be a candle!

Yes... I am saying it.

I refuse to be a candle!

Luv

Saj