1 am of every day seemed to be reserved for me. NO matter how hard I try, I am up a few minutes past 1. I try to go back to sleep, but my mind refuses as it pulls and nudges me towards the empty screen with childlike enthusiasm.
I wonder when will I admit to myself and accept to myself that pouring my heart and soul onto a paper, a screen, or anywhere is a big part of who I am.
Three ted talks later, I am wondering what I should write today about.
I learned something about myself yesterday. I have always been someone with very few friends. My definition of a 'friend' is very different from what FB calls it. So I have very few. When I say this, people often get surprised as I am a fake extrovert.
Meaning, you can put me in the middle of a crowd, and I will talk to everyone and anyone. What most do not know is that I also walk away from the crowd empty-handed. Unless someone makes an impact of great curiosity, I am almost always walking away with the satisfaction of great company and conversations.
Over the course of last two decades, I have gathered many friends who can be described as those rare pebbles you find on a riverside. Each and every one of them has happened to me than me going out and finding them.
Ok. What I am getting at is this. People who are in your close circle matters. We are social creatures. We need to be seen, heard, valued and accepted for who we are. It may not come from one person but a collection of selected few. You will not be able to find or understand the complexity of the even simplest person you encounter in a day or two. Give it time. Give it heart. Yes, there is a probability of getting hurt. But what is the alternative?
Being connected, wanting to feel connected, is an innate desire of us. Also being connected without your true self only brings frustration and more heartache. Do not be afraid to walk away from a friendship, respectfully, if it is not a true connection for you. This is one place quality of your kinship matters more than quantity.
I wish all of you a few true friends who understand your level of weirdness.