A Poem Written For Me and Trust That Was Taken From Me
" She I saw her. Make a tulip vase; Flowers let free without lace. Untying her knots. Dressed in white like a bride, A smile, beaming in stride. " -by someone good
Above Poem was written for me. He wrote it for me, the first and probably the last. I am a lover of words, and someone writing a few words solely for me...... It's the most humbling experience I could ever have.
I had a wall I was leaning on crumble down Friday. I went into my safe place of silence. I have been battling fights alone as long as I can remember, I smile and laugh and joke in public. And I cry and pray in private. When you go through something long enough that you learn to fight and survive alone. The challenge then becomes accepting help as you are terrified of the world around you. The very ones swore to protect you, to love, to hold you, to be there for you when they betray you and hurt you, the only chance of survival is to harden the shell and be your own savior.
This human being seems kind, genuine, caring and yet, I have no trust left in me. I am building one, but since I have decided to speak nothing but truth, the truth is that I am afraid of the brutality of human minds.
The one I loved took what was most precious to me; now I realize that. I had gotten over the pain. I hold no grudge, no revenge, no empathy, none. But I understand with so much sadness that he had taken my ability to trust.
One day, I will rise from these ashes, and I will trust again. One day, I will forgive him for being cruel to another human being. One day I hope the one who wrote the poem forgives me for not being able to trust.
Now I plead you. The onlookers, the readers, please.... Do not take away someone's ability to trust.
I ache today. I can fight battles; I can struggle and still help others. I find it hard to belong as I no longer hold trust in my heart.
Oh! Make no Mistake. I am a fighter. And I will find a way to build it again. For now, to the one who wrote those words, I apologize for my inability to give trust.
Luv Saj
