• Saj

Learning To Live With Some wounds




Survival Instinct or Unhealthy Attachment?


Perceptions


I recently read a few lines written by a famous author. In that, he makes a statement that is too broad in my opinion. He states that in close relationships it is worth living with the small wounds caused by each other because the warmth provided by the other is more important.


He makes that point by saying it’s for survival. He does mention a story that depicts the end of the day's survival, which reminds me of A few passages from ‘Man’s search for meaning’ by Viktor Frankl. In that, he writes about some of the observations he had made in the concentration camp where he has seen the best and worst of humanity.


We adapt. That is our biggest survival strength. As human beings, we adapt to our surroundings to survive. It is also a weakness that holds us captive in certain situations in life too. The reason many cannot break out of societal or cultural or perceptive barriers.

We have a fantastic ability to make everything ok if we want to. Especially victims of abuse. It is not easy to step out and away from the norms that have been defined by others. So we tend to figure out and hold onto ideas and thoughts that will keep us in the loop.


We would justify being hit, being cheated on, being lied to, and much more. We would tell ourselves stories that sound like “It is ok. It was just this one time. It won’t happen again.”

Life is a series of perceptions. We all live it. If you choose to let go and adapt for survival, I would like to suggest you evaluate why you are doing this.


Ask yourself the question.

“Will I be able to forget, forgive, and believe that it will never happen again?”


Ask yourself.

“Am I making an excuse because it is the easier path and in turn would live in resentment?”


Relationships in life are worth fighting for. But it is also vital to know nothing in this world is worth fighting for over your self-respect and dignity. Evaluate the circumstances, if you are in life and death situation, of course, you should do what it takes to survive.

If you are not in one of those daring survival circumstances, find out what is important to you? Know that there is no absolute right, you choose what to do with your life. Keep in mind that every choice comes with consequences, and you cant choose them after the first choice is made.


When you decide to stay where you are continually hurting, be mindful of what it does to you and your loved ones. It can make us bitter and unpleasant to be around. We stay in less than ideal circumstances because we feel we have no way out. We also make unhealthy attachments were logic makes more sense to stay and hold onto what we know than change what is hurting us. I hope anyone in a situation like that would seek help and figure out if it is healthy for them physically and emotionally to stay.


Life is worth living without having to look over your shoulders all the time.


I would like to end this write-up with one sentence of suggestion


“Watch the actions and not the words. Of yours as well as others.”


Luv

Saj

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Sajatha Jaffer  |  sajatha.jaffer@gmail.com

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