I can not breathe.
I feel like falling to the ground and wailing as if no one is watching.
But I am an adult. Adults do not get to do that.
They get to strong and bold.
Two years ago, I finally embraced my dream and started writing. I wrote my memoir too. It took two years to finish the journey. At the last moment, something magical happened. And I added to the story. I told him I do not have much left in me after all those years of fighting. I told him that I will not make it out. Deaf ears, they fell on deaf ears.
I sit here a year after, being pulled the books off the shelf to edit it again.
There might be questions, whats wrong with you? Why would you do that?
You will not understand even if I explain to you.
Everything in this world has a breaking point.
When you hit that you pause. You take a breath or two. Reevaluate your choices.
Some say its a sign of weakness. I say it is a sign of knowing who you are and where your limits are.
I live in the now. I look forward to the future and past. One is hope and other is lesson.
But I live right here in this moment. Some are good, some are not, some falls anywhere in between.
Human mind is amazing. You should never let someone in to a point where they can break you. They will walk away, its called moving on.
You will be told to do the same. Find a path to recovery, heal, do this, do that. There is no shortage of advises.
You will find yourself so broken that you wont recognize the person standing in front of you. The person who would things that you would never in your life will do. But that's what broken minds do.
I so desperately want to be away from here. I am so desperately trying to find my pieces so that I can put them back together.
Life stops for no one. But it is okay to take your time to mourn, to find your way.
I will be analyzed, wrongly accused, penalized, judged, but none of that matters. What matters is that I find my pieces.