The Inconsistency Problem
I have a problem.
I mean, I have a flaw.
Yes, it is a flaw that I take responsibility for and actively try to find ways to outwit.
The problem I have can be called many names. Inconsistency, Unreliability, Non-dependability, Irresponsibility, and so forth. It just means sometimes I fail miserably to do the same thing or the expected thing. My sometimes seem to be more often than the standard spectrum of folks.
So, I have a character flaw. It has cost me many things. Academic achievements, relationships, job advancement. Up until a year ago, I did not even realize that I have this problem. When you are not aware that you have an issue, you also do not have a way to find a solution or in this situation of mine a way to live with.
It is not an easy problem to have.
I let my family down if I am not cautious and hyper-vigilant. I will use my gender here. Being a woman has been a handicap here as I am expected to do much more than a man when it comes to everything other than a tech job. (Tech job and women are a whole different article)
I make lists, to do lists where I write everything down. I plan my day to the bits so that I don't miss out on things that are important. On top of it all, I do have anxiety which makes it all fun. (wink and smile)
Usually, this gets me going and keeps me on track. Except when I do not get much sleep or a panic attack strikes. Then all goes to hell. I have not yet been successful in finding a recovery plan in case of an emergency yet. I have been trying many, just have not found the right one yet.
If you are someone who struggles as I do with the inconsistency problem, hang on. If you are aware, I know you are trying to figure out a way to make life a little better, for you and everyone around you. Hold on. You will find something that will work for you for regular days. Then I am sure you and I will find something that works for us on rainy days.
I know it is not easy dealing with the labels that you get assigned or called. I know it is not easy dealing with the guilt and shame you feel. Find some compassion for yourself. Ask the question "Am I doing everything I can right now to handle this?". If your answer is yes, then do a shoulder shrug and keep moving forward. If your answer is no, then do something about it.
If you are someone who has a person like me in your life, be compassionate. If the person is not aware of the problem he or she has, let them know gently. If they are doing something about it, and if you can, support them. If you can not help the person, be compassionate enough to hold back the judgments to yourself.