• Saj

Authentic And Forbidden Words From My Heart To Yours


I have decided to write a letter. To someone, I met very briefly. I got to know her through someone else's words first. And then, I made a picture of her from conversations I have heard.

When I met her in person, she made no changes to the image I had for her. Then we go on to meet one more time, and I saw her for who she is. Later, I get to know this person through her words alone.

She had been an attractive character to me. But, I felt empathy for her and me. Felt as if we were two sides of a coin, two pawns in a game. The difference was that I was slowly getting aware of the game and being aware of being played with and she seemed to think that she is still holding the key to the game.

My dear,

You and I are not that different in some areas, but very different in others. I know the pain of betrayal, I know how it feels, I know how it feels to be taken advantage of and being stuck. There are tons of us, all around. You or I are not alone. We are just one of the millions of women who are being pushed and played around with. You may not see it now, as you are full of anger and you would like a head to blame. I happen to be at the unfortunate place where you could point your fingers at. But it is alright, as I do understand the pain we face.

The truth is, it will not get easier. Life never gets easy with lies or fakeness. It always comes around and shows its ugly face some day. I thought about apologizing for a while, but then I realized that I had not done anything wrong. I have not lied or tried to hurt anyone. I have not made up stuff or betrayed anyone. I can be in front of God with my head held high and honestly say that I had not planned and executed any kind of games on anyone in my entire life. I had always been on the other side of that fence, silently.

You have accused me off way too many things. And I have not responded to much; it is because I do feel empathy for you. The place you are in, I had been there. It took a lot of fo courage for me to step away from it. It still hurts and it is very scary, but it was important to me that I am truthful to my soul. So I had made my peace. You have a long few years ahead of you before you would become aware of these things.

Lately, I had been pulled through a series of events, which made me question myself again. I was told that I do not know kindness and few more other words. And for a moment or two, I also doubted myself. That is the beauty of words when said by the right person; you will blame yourself. You will take the whole world on your shoulders and crucify your own self when spoken to you by the right person. But I am blessed to have a friend who pulled me out of that. He reminded me of who I am, and what I have been through. And I reminded myself that I have more worth than he can ever imagine.

I feel pity, which I do not like the feeling. I can see the anger and frustration, the desperation to assign it all to someone else and escape. But life does not work that way, does it? I bear my responsibility, and I pay the price for it, every day. Till God decides that it is time for me to be ok.

I hope you and I and other women like us get better at this. I hope we get enough courage to define our own lives.

I would rather you or women like us shed any-more tears for false masked people. We are worthy of more than that, aren't we?

Life is not easy, and we get these people thrown to us that may take us to our knees. But I chose to get up when I realized that I was on my knees for the wrong man. I would rather not be blamed for your choice, but I do understand why you choose me to be the end of it all. It is easy. It is easy to not accept the truth. It is easy never to want to know the truth, but if that is your choice, then why not live with that choice?

I made a mistake without knowing that I was making one. The moment I got to know, I have tried to fix it. But being a human being, I had stood by and taken everything was thrown at me with enough patience. But, my dears...... I can't help wonder why are we doing this to our own selves? What has happened to our honor and self-respect? Why tear someone else when you clearly can think for yourself about everything?

Why are we our own worst enemy?

Let us stand together with my dears. Let us not forget that there is still people with integrity in this world. And if you must, if you must choose to be not want to see truth, I do not wish anything bad for you, I understand. I understand your choice, but please do not make someone else pay for that. Do not force me to pay for your choice. Own your choice, and live.

My truth is my strength, and on some days, the days I fall apart and cry my rivers, I remind myself that it had only made me stronger. And I hold onto truth and authenticity more than ever, so that I can breathe again. I hope you find your strength in your own truth.

Luv

Saj


#AuthenticSelf

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Sajatha Jaffer  |  sajatha.jaffer@gmail.com

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