Yesterday, before going to sleep, I had written an essay on my FB feed. It came from a place of love, pain, and truth. I wrote it as part of my effort to live a truly authentic life and trying to stand up for myself. Being misunderstood is very common for misfits like me. And you would think it will become second nature to embrace being different. It really doesn't.
It has not gotten easy for me, not yet. Instead, I have learned to sit and be with the uncomfortable feelings that arise from pain. I have learned to not deny their existence or presence.
The post was based on a true incident about my child and me. Also, it was about telling women like me that motherhood doesn't have to be a certain way. I was trying to show by an example that we are all warriors the moment we become mothers. And it was not a competition or one size fits all. As I found myself being shamed as a mom more than anything else, it was a note to the sisterhood of moms who feels short of societal expectations.
Critique and backlash are typical response to what I write. By now, I expect certain events to follow each of my written stories -fiction or nonfiction. What I write are based on experiences and observation. And the world would rather be blind than see the truth, let alone accept or acknowledge it.
I know few may have read my post and went "Oh she is so trying to convince the world that she is not a bad mom." My first instinct is to say that nothing others say affects me. But, then I remember my own promise, to be authentic and daring. To lean into the truth and honesty.
See, it does affect me what people tell to my face, and behind my back. But, every day, every moment, I make a conscious choice not to let it get to me..... I am a human being; I am affected. I accept that fact; it is part of being human. I will be lying if I say that nothing affects me..... A lot does. But I tap into a single priority list I carry around in my head everytime it gets overwhelming. And it takes a lot of emotional energy, positive self-talk, and self-awareness not to let the outside world's opinions impact me in a negative way. I accept the reception and processing of inputs, whatever they may be, as part of who I am and my journey through the process of healing. I have become aware of the fact that I write to heal myself. And to scream to people like me to embrace who they are.
So I thank everyone who will point things out as they perceive. Part of me fears the reactions that will come my way from what I write, but the other part faces those fears as I know that it will always make me a better person. I am full of flaws, and I am learning every day. I am on a journey to heal, and this is part of that process. I accept, and I bow in front of this magnificent universe for giving me an opportunity to have this beautiful life.
My biggest lesson so far, and my words for the day........ "Watch my actions, not my words."